IUI #1

TODAY WE DID OUR 1ST IUI

LOW SPERM COUNT= NOT A GOOD DAY:(

I'LL WRITE MORE ABOUT IT ANOTHER TIME

CD 12 Monitoring appointment

So today I went to my RE's for a monitoring ultrasound to make sure my follicles were growing like they should be, and I have good and bad news. The good news is on my left side I have a pretty good size one I think they said it was 14 mm, but the bad news is they didn't see too much in my right ovary so I'm kind of disappointed with that:( I really don't think Clomid helps me because last month when I wasn't using it I had about 10-15 follicles on my right side, a few medium sized ones on my left, and one really large one on the left it was about 18 mm. I should've done IUI last month:)

My lining is nice and thick which is just what they like to see so that makes me happy. They said they want to give my follicle in the left ovary a few more days to grow and see if we can't get a few of the other smaller ones a little more mature. This weekend should hopefully give them enough time to mature further. So here's the plan: HCG trigger shot on Sunday at 11:30 am, semen sample collection Monday at 10:00 am, and then the insemination at 11:30!

ow that it's all official and actually planned out I'm starting to get nervous. I'm not really nervous for the actual procedure itself but everything leading up to it, and then everything after it. My fertility clinic gave me a consent form for James and I to read through and then sign before we proceed with the IUI, and it mentions all the possibilities why this procedure might not work and then if it does all the possible complications. I was really excited leaving the doctors today thinking that if everything goes good and it works I could be pregnant next week, but then after reading the consent form it pretty much made all my excitement disappear. I know they do that so you have a realistic idea of your chances that it would work and they just want you to know all the complications that could arise, but it just made me think too much and now I'm scared.

I'm really trying not to get my hopes up because my doctor said our chance of it being a success is only 20 %, which for those of you who don't know that is the probability for any healthy couple with no fertility problems to conceive in any given month. If we don't do IUI they said our chances of conceiving on our own are about 2%. It definitely ups our chances but I'm still just thinking many healthy couples could take up to 6 months to conceive, so does that mean it could take that long for us? I sure hope not because we've already been struggling to get pregnant for 3 1/2 years and for me that's just way too long. I realize others have been at this for much longer than we have, but for me it feels like an eternity!

One last thing for those of you who have gone through infertility and conceived or those who are in the middle of trying right now, did you tell people right away when you found out you were pregnant or will you tell people right away, or are you worried about the possibility of miscarriage and/or complications and would like to wait for awhile before letting everyone know? The reason I ask is because we're trying to decide what to do about this. Let me explain: all my family knows that we're trying to get pregnant and they know about us doing IUI, and if they're smart enough they can count 14 days from when I do it and figure out when I should know if it worked or not but I don't want them to know either way.

The main reason is I have a sister who's been trying for 9 years, I'm 6 years younger than she is and I've been married for 5 1/2 years less than her, that isn't to say that this is any less hard on me but I just can't imagine trying for that long and then to find out your youngest sister is pregnant before you! Another reason is that my oldest sister was pregnant and everything was going just fine when she found out the baby had passed away when she was about 6 1/2 months along, I just remember what that did to my sister and it terrifies me. The last reason is that If it doesn't work I'd rather nobody but James and I know so we can just be sad together. I know these reasons are probably ridiculous, but that's why I'd like some advice from those of you who have been there and those who will be there soon!

By the way don't you just love the cartoon at the top, I was trying to find a good picture for this post when I found this and I thought it was pretty cute:)

Finally moving forward

I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything, I don't really have a good reason for that but I'll try to explain. So the last time I wrote anything I was saying how bummed we were with the results from James' semen analysis, and I also mentioned this new doctor we were going to go see. Well we got over the shock of his results and we did in fact see this new doctor and I could go on and on about her, but first I have to back up and start from the beginning.

So I called in December and made an appointment with this new doctor down in Pleasant Grove, I had heard really good things about this clinic and the doctors there were supposed to be amazing. My appt. was scheduled for February 1st and it felt like forever away to me but came surprisingly fast. I was a total wreck that morning because I was nervous about what we find out, if we'd like the doctor, and if we could afford what she would recommend us doing. The day started out bad when we got lost on our way to the appointment and ended up being late, but it turned out that they were running a little late so we were okay.

Our new doctor is Shawn Gurtcheff and she works at Utah Fertility Center in Pleasant Grove, and just let me say I can't stop raving about her she is absolutely amazing and probably the best doctor I've ever been to. She's so kindhearted, understanding, sympathetic, sweet, and every other good word you can think of to describe someone. She made us feel like she really cared about us personally although we were just one of many patient's she would have that day. She told us everything seemed fine with both of us and our best option would probably be to do IUI. I loved how she was so honest with us when she explained that it's a good option, but it probably wouldn't work the first time, and it may not work the second time, but hopefully third time's a charm! She prepared us for all the possible outcomes and told us how much money we'd probably be spending and all around was just an amazing doctor.

We decided to go ahead with IUI as soon as my next period started. Our protocol was going to be Clomid days 3-7, HCG shot to induce ovulation, and then Progesterone suppositories after the IUI procedure. We left that appointment feeling happy and anxious to get started on everything. I had never looked forward to my period starting, but since that was the beginning for all this I couldn't wait for it to arrive. It arrived a little early and so we got started right away with a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork on Day 3, the ultrasound was nothing and I should get my results from the bloodwork this Thursday when I go in for another monitoring ultrasound.

So that brings us to today, I finished my clomid a couple days ago now I have a monitoring ultrasound on Thursday, and then if everything looks good we'll go ahead with the IUI sometime next week. I waited for awhile to write about all this because I'm wondering if I'll end up jinxing myself because everything seems to be going so good. I realized though if I don't document our journey and if this IUI works I'll be sad to not have it all written down to someday look back on. I'll post with an update after my ultrasound this week.

Not what I was hoping for

So I said I was going to update as soon as I found out James' results from his semen analysis, but yesterday our power was out all day so I wasn't able to get on the computer:( Anyways we found out the results within one day of him going in and they definitely weren't what I was hoping for, hence the title of this post. First of all it has been over two years from when he had surgery and if his sperm were going to improve I think it would've happened by now, and well it didn't.

The semen analysis from before the surgery had a total count of 10 million which sounds like a lot but is really considered low and the results post surgery is actually only 8.4 million, somebody tell me how this is even possible. I thought having surgery was supposed to increase his sperm not decrease it. His motility is still okay I think it was about 54 % and for those of you reading this who aren't sure what motility is it's just the way the sperm swim. The one thing I was grateful for is that his morphology is still good, this is the one really important factor in determining whether a couple can get pregnant or not. A man can have 600 million sperm for example but if they are shaped wrong it won't matter because they will not be able to penetrate the egg. I know it's crazy all this talk about sperm but when you're suffering with infertility you do A TON OF READING AND RESEARCHING:)

After getting these results James and I were kind of bummed especially James because I think he thought for sure we would still be able to get pregnant without having to do any kind of fertility treatments, while I on the other hand pretty much assumed we'd still have to do at least IUI even if things had improved. He just keeps saying over and over to me "I'm sorry I can't get you pregnant." I feel really bad for him because although we're pretty sure the reason I haven't been able to get pregnant is his sperm, I don't consider it his fault it's OUR infertility problem! So now here we are again waiting and trying to decide what to do next, it seems you do a lot of that when you're trying to have a baby. We've decided to switch to a new doctor, I really like Dr. Blauer but after a couple times of going there and not really getting much help from his staff we figured it was time to move on. We're attending a free patient education seminar next week where this new doctor we've decided to see will be speaking, and he's offering anyone who comes to the seminar 50 % a new patient consultation with him so we're really excited. Instead of paying $230 for a consult which I'd gladly pay we're only going to pay $115. I'm really excited for this and hopefully we'll be able to get in to see him this month so we can start 2012 off with a plan! If anyone is reading this and has any experience with their husband having a varicocele and they went through the surgery, can you tell me what were your results post surgery and what have you been told about your chances of getting pregnant?

DISCLAIMER: The cartoon at the top is not meant to represent our situation, I just thought it was hilarious and sometimes I feel like James' sperm might as well be frogs because they aren't doing their job LOL:)

How did we end up here? WARNING SUPER LONG POST!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK OF BEING BORED TO DEATH!!!

First off I have to admit that I wasn't one of those girls who always wanted to be a mom. Of course when I was young I had dolls and I would play house just like most little girls, but as I got older I started to tell my family that I never wanted to get married and I never wanted to have kids. I specifically remember my older sister telling me that one day I'd change my mind, but I was like "yeah sure I will." I'm not even actually sure when my feelings did change and I thought maybe marriage and kids might not be so bad. I think it probably happened when I met my husband James as a sophomore in high school and after we had been dating for a couple years we started to talk about marriage and having kids.

Anyways regardless of when it happened it did and it hit me hard when we got married. On August 12, 2008 I married the love of my life when we were both only 19. Yes I know what you're all thinking and maybe we were crazy but it was right for us at that time. We never even thought to use birth control because first of all I have the hardest time swallowing pills so I prefer to not even try, second of all we were finally married so it was okay if we got pregnant right, and third of all we really wanted to have a baby so it was just fine with us if we had a honeymoon baby. Little did we know we wouldn't be having a honeymoon baby, or a baby by our first anniversary, or second and not even our third!

We started trying to have a baby as soon as we got married or rather than trying I should say we weren't preventing it because in the very beginning I don't think we knew all the ins and outs to getting pregnant, so I don't think we could consider us trying. Anyways the first month went by and my period was late and so I was thinking for sure I was pregnant, after all my period was never late. So I took the first of many tests I would ever take and BFN:( Well I wasn't really concerned because we had only been trying for one month and we were so young. So for the next year we just did our thing and hoped it would result in a BFP, but every month came and went with nothing to show for it.

This whole time I was thinking I was the problem because honestly I hadn't really heard about male infertility and whenever I thought about couples that couldn't get pregnant I would just assume something was wrong with the woman. I was so naive!! One night James and I were talking and I was just so frustrated that we weren't getting pregnant when all of a sudden he decides to bring up the fact that most likely it was him and that he had known this since he was about 12 and in boy scouts. I was so mad that he would wait this long to tell me and make me think something was wrong with me this whole time, so anyways I went straight to work to figure out what he had told me and what we could do about him problem. I read any book I could get my hands on that had to do with infertility and especially male factor infertility, and then when I realized what he had I found him a urologist to go see.

Well the doctor we found for James to go see was awesome, he was very nice and he truly cared about all our concerns. He did a physical exam for James and had us fill out some paperwork, just asking questions about if we were trying to get pregnant and if I had a doctor and all that stuff. He told us that he thought James had a varicocele but he wanted it confirmed with a scrotal ultrasound. We scheduled that for the next day and then left. So he had the scrotal ultrsound which I don't think James really appreciated, I mean what guy wants another man doing an ultrasound on their scrotum sorry tmi, but If I'm being open about everything that's the truth! So he did it and that's it, they didn't give us the results then he said our doctor would call us. About a week later or so Dr. Putman called us with the news that yes James did indeed have a very large varicocele and he would need to have surgery to remove it. I was kind of bummed but I thought that was going to be the case so I wasn't surprised. So we scheduled his surgery for September 4th and he went in a couple days before his surgery to have a semen analysis, to give us an idea of how bad everything was.

The results weren't too bad, he had a low sperm count which was to be expected with a varicocele and his motility was a little low but that's about it. By now you're probably thinking what the heck is a varicocele? Thanks for asking I'll explain. So basically it is like a varicose vein but instead of being in your legs it is in a man's scrotum, it's dilated veins and what happens is it makes the temperature of the scrotum just a little bit too hot for the production of sperm. Some sperm are still produced but usually they are shaped wrong or they don't swim very well Lol! So anyways I'm realizing this post is becoming oh so long so I'll speed it up and say he had his surgery everything went good with it, and he was told to come back in three months to have another semen analysis and check if the surgery improved things.

In the meantime or before this I can't quite remember I had my first appointment with Dr. Colby my OB/GYN who turned out to be such a nice man. He asked if we were trying to get pregnant and since we told him we had been trying for a year, he prescribed Clomid for me during days 3-7 of my cycle and also he told me he wanted me to have an HSG performed, now I know what you're thinking and yes I was wondering the exact thing what the heck is that and does it hurt? Well to answer the 1st question it is a test to check if your fallopian tubes are blocked and also if there are any fibroids or polyps in your uterus that might be impeding conception, who knew there could be so many reasons why a woman can't get pregnant it really makes you wonder how it actually happens all the time, all I can say is it is an absolute MIRACLE!! To answer the 2nd question it was really painful for me but I've heard it's different for every woman. It starts off like a normal pap smear where they insert a speculum and then they thread a catheter in the opening and inject it with some kind of dye. If the dye flows freely out your tubes you're all good, well I was all cleared YAY! So by now we were almost 100 % sure the issue was with James and he had the surgery so we thought we were good, little did we know we were far from achieving a pregnancy still.

So I'll just say now that we had two failed semen analsis', many changes in insurance so shifting around to different doctors, a couple times I went to the doctor because I was really late with my period which turned out to be a BFN, charting my temperature almost everyday, timing intercourse, getting my hopes up every month and then getting a negative everytime:( That pretty much sums up the whole next year, until I went to Dr. Colby one time because I was 12 days late and after the test was negative he basically said he thought I needed to go see a specialist because there wasn't really anything else he could do to help us get pregnant. Those are the words everyone going through infertility dreads hearing me included. I found Dr. Absolutely Amazing also known as Dr. Blauer who was absolutely worth every penny I paid to him ($333 for a one hour consultation I know gasp). Anyways he basically said the problem lies with James and we should do IUI, this brings us to today we're still trying to save up money for IUI and hoping that it will be the answer to our prayers. Also tomorrow James is finally going to our fertility center to have a semen analsis, it's been over two years since his surgery and I'm just praying the results turn out good:) I'll post with the results in a few days, wish us luck!

By the way if anyone reading this is suffering with infertility and lives in Utah I absolutely recommend Dr. Blauer at Reproductive Care Center in Sandy. Also if you're LDS he is too which I think is a definite plus!

A new beginning

So here I am trying this whole blogging thing out again. I started a blog a couple years ago because I was intrigued by some friend's blogs and I thought it would be nice to try out. Well I loved it at first but then when nothing seemed to be going right in my life and the only thing on my mind was infertility, I decided I wasn't ready to let everyone know about that part of our lives yet.

That was about 2 years ago and we're even deeper into infertility now and I realized that's going to be a part of me at least for now, so might as well let people know about it and how it's affecting us.

I've been reading so many infertility blogs lately and I've been going back and forth about whether I would start one or not, but after awhile I decided it would be good for me to have somewhere to get my feelings out. I also thought it would be nice to have this journey documented in case our future children ever want to know how they came into our family:) So here goes nothing!